10 Ways Negotiation Skills Can Save Personal Relationships
by DiAnn Mills
A negotiator is a person who works to help others come to an agreement during a conflict. Yet sometimes conflicts occur personally between the negotiator and another person who is a good friend or family member. How then are issues resolved? Can a person trained to conduct negotiations step back and look at the situation from an unbiased perspective?
That sounds difficult even hazardous to me. What if the negotiator is viewed as manipulative due to their skillset? Can a negotiator be wrong in their stand in a conflict? The answer to both questions is yes . . . unless the negotiator is willing to step back and assess the root of the problem, which might be him or herself.
Look at the following 10 ways negotiation skills can save personal relationships. This scenario is between a father and son who have experienced conflict issues in the past. The father is attempting to work out the problem, although he is furious. The father takes the initiative to apply what he uses in the workplace to his personal life.
- Care about the other person more than yourself. Sincerely.
- Calm down. “I see we’re both angry about this situation. Let’s calm ourselves so we can talk about what’s happening. The incident is over, but perhaps we can choose different ways to respond.” Wait until the other person is ready to communicate.
- State the four goals of solving any dispute: restore relationships, treat each other with respect, accept responsibility for actions, and repair the damage.
- Admit your wrongdoing. “I lashed out at your anger with me instead of listening with empathy. That’s my fault, and I apologize.”
- Ask the other person how they’ve been wronged. Speak slowly with good eye contact.
- Repeat what the other person says, “I hurt your feelings when I arrived late to your basketball game and didn’t see you make a 3-pointer. I understand. I’d been mad, too. If I’d left the office earlier, I wouldn’t have gotten caught in traffic. In the future, I’ll give myself extra time, so I don’t miss a thing. Right now, you’re probably thinking I don’t care or love you, that I abandoned you. I apologize for what I put you through.”
- Ask if the other person is ready to hear why you are angry. If negative, postpone the rest of the conversation to an agreed-upon time. If positive, proceed. “When the game was over, I approached you to apologize for my lateness. You were upset and used inappropriate language. That’s when I lost my temper. I’m sorry.”
- Ask the other person to repeat what you said so there is mutual understanding.
- Ask the other person if they have a solution other than what was mentioned above.
- Don’t leave the communication chair until reconciliation has been made and a plan in place for future disagreements.
Will the above steps conclude with restored relationships in every case? No. But we can try with those who hold a meaningful spot in our hearts.
What is one way you have helped soothe conflict with family and friends?
DiAnn Mills is a bestselling author who believes her readers should expect an adventure. She weaves memorable characters with unpredictable plots to create action-packed, suspense-filled novels with threads of romance. DiAnn believes every breath of life is someone’s story, so why not capture those moments and create a thrilling adventure?
Her new novel, Lethal Standoff (Tyndale, September 2024) is a pulse-pounding romantic suspense about secrets, betrayal, and finding a path to forgiveness.
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